My Advice to You
I have always struggled with a mild form of anxiety and OCD, but nothing too serious. When senior year came around, I found that both were getting hard to handle. My energy level was basically non existent. I was moody and crying all the time. I had no appetite and my self confidence was low. My OCD was out of control, and no matter how annoying it got, there was this constant force pushing me to clean, straighten or fix something. My relationships were either unhealthy or non existent. It got to the point where I was thinking of getting help. I was scaring myself. How could I, one who has a loving family, great job and all the necessities in life, be so depressed? I tried reaching out to my Mom, which ultimately made things worse, along with other unfortunate aspects in my life. I officially reached my all time low.
One day, I had coffee with an old friend. I couldn’t help but think about how unproductive the last year of my life has been, while he talked about his healthy relationship, fun times in college and future plans with friends. At one moment, I laughed and he told me that I should smile more. In my mind, I screamed! No, I should not be told to smile more. I have always been happy, and fun, and pleasant. After that day, I vowed to make some changes.
I needed to MAKE myself happy. I needed to stop bitching about things, and make some major changes in my life. I decided that I needed to do more things that freed my mind. I now paint. I am not the best, but the entire time I am painting, I am thinking of nothing else but my art work. I now read more often. It really helps take my mind off of reality. I also started to change simple things in my daily routine. I now wake up every morning and get coffee. It became a big motivation in actually starting my day.
One main thing I have realized, is that I have always sort of felt alone. I have always been a lone wolf, although I never really wanted to be. Now, I am content with being alone. I enjoy my free time alone, and I have exceeded in making myself happy, all on my own.
I am at a point in my life, where I am ready to move forward and make other changes, such as inmy social life. I am in a really refreshing relationship. I adore this kid, and It really helps when I feel overwhelmed, to have that outlet. I am not fully where I want to be in life, but I am proud of myself for overcoming a hard period in my life. I still wash my hands more than I should, and I still feel like my anxiety might take over at any minute, BUT I can control it, and I love myself the way I am. I am excited to experience new things with my new attitude and outlook on life.
I just wanted to share this, because I am sure I was not alone in how I felt. As long as you are willing to help yourself, the journey to becoming happy is not as far as you think. Just start with a good song, long drive, and a cup of coffee.